11 Questions to Ask Before Getting Divorce


Dress for Success

Recently both the NYT ( http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/26/fashion/office-fashion-uniforms.html?_r=0 ) and the NPR radio show, On Point, with Tom Ashbrook, ( http://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2016/06/02/workplace-dress-code-fashion ) discussed the current trends with dressing for work.  It used to be easy for men:  a pressed dress shirt, a tie, a jacket, or a full suit for specific occasions.  For women, it has always been dicey.  When I graduated from college I purchased the book by John T. Mallow, The Woman’s Dress for Success book (1977) and followed it like it was my bible.  The concepts promoted by the book are still true today – Dress like you already have the job, dress for the way you want to be perceived. In a white male dominated work place (like the legal profession in the late 80s when I first graduated from law school,) that meant dressing like a man.  Very little room for creativity, certainly conservative (read: boring!) In the 90s, we got to casual Fridays and the slope got slipperier for everybody. At that point, every day was casual Friday for me since I was home with my kids, so when I got the chance to spruce myself up while teaching a college class, I certainly did. My rationale:  I wanted to be separate from my students not confused as one of them.   To be honest, that’s been my standard:  dress like I want to be treated and that usually means to be treated with respect, and to respect the circumstances.

That last part– respecting the circumstances, has gotten lost in this “I want to be an individual” and “I want to be comfortable because that gives me confidence.” attitude.  I am fairly certain that it is not impossible to look professional, look good, feel good, and respect the environment and event that I am attending.  In my house, even my kids caught onto the idea. During finals my kids would “dress to respect the test,”   picking an outfit that conveyed a sense of “this is important,” to them and to anyone else.  I am discouraged however, that this rarely plays out in the real world, from attending a momentous occasion like a graduation to Broadway show to attending court.  It may seem silly to devote a blog post to this somewhat superficial aspect of daily life, but it matters how you feel about yourself, and it matters how much you respect the situation.  Dress like it does.  That’s the simple rule: if it matters, let everyone know that is important for you to show up and respect the process, history, people.  You’d be surprised how it will affect your mood and the outcome.


So call me… definitely.

I keep getting notices regarding a CBA professionalism symposium, and although I do not plan on attending, I would hope they would cover at least my biggest pet peeve:FAILURE TO RETURN PHONE CALLS.  This is my blog, my chance to rant, and rant on I will about the lack of courtesy among attorneys who don’t […]

Continue reading...

A father’s wish, a daughter’s anguish.

All too often the care of our parents and loved ones leaves us somewhere between a rock and a hard place.  This article in the 9/26/14 New York Times  puts a human face on the tragedy that many families face when it comes to caring for a family member.  We need to work harder to […]

Continue reading...

What children of divorce need to know

Divorce is lousy for everyone. Even if it’s amicable. Even if it’s necessary. Divorce becomes much more complicated when children are involved, despite everyone’s best efforts. We all know someone who has gone through it as an adult, a child, and sometimes both.  Huffington Post linked this article via twitter– full of tweets from those […]

Continue reading...

The Tragedy of a Failed System

What makes a good parent?  When does it get to the point where parents should be denied access to their children?  And what do we do to break the cycle?  What do we as a society owe to keeping a family intact and helping someone struggling to become a better parent?  Every day I see […]

Continue reading...

Maintaining a family in the wake of divorce

Failure to see the forest through the trees– it’s always been one of my favorite adages. In other words, it’s easy enough to get bogged down in the minutiae of ending a marriage when a family is involved. There are so many details to work out, and parenting across a divide is never easy. When […]

Continue reading...

Attitude of Gratitude

I suppose one of the advantages of creating and contributing to a blog is the opportunity to spread one’s philosophy around – assuming, of course, that other people actually read the blog post! I am hopeful that someone will read this one since it’s all good, and pretty difficult to disagree with.  Gratitude is sometimes […]

Continue reading...

Habemus Papam!

Yes, Catholics have a new pope! In fact, the world has a new Pope, at least that’s the feeling one gets when reading the paper or watching the news. MSNBC devoted the entire afternoon to coverage once the white smoke appeared; the NYT sent out push notifications, Huffington Post  changed its headline and the twittersphere […]

Continue reading...

killing two birds with one stone

Today’s NYT posted an article about a new model for law school grads. Killing two birds with one stone: solving the employment crisis for new lawyers and allowing for legal help for the underrepresented poor. Check out the article (eerily similar to my idea in my last blog entry!! I guess great minds think alike?) […]

Continue reading...